New Chapter

 photo by Bonnie Tsang

Woke up this morning, sunlight hit my eyes, messy bed made by two people and no void in sight.

It's been about ten years since my last divorce. During that time I had a four-year long relationship, then stayed celibacy for five years. Those were great growing years - I learned how to be alone without feeling lonely, I learned what loving myself mean, I learned to take care of myself and my family, I learned to love and have faith in others... 

Ten years of tremendous pain, wave after wave of depression and suicidal thoughts that broken me into pieces turned out to be so well worth. When in despair, I let go of control and let myself fall. What kept me alive was the small little strength I had to get up and to take care of my family (especially my daughter) and the tiny spark of hope that I could find a way out of the darkness. 

Today, about a year or so later, I found myself capable of being in love and in a relationship again. Didn't think I would get married or have another kid again, but here I am now - engaged and pregnant.

Keep connecting with yourself, love truly IS in you, there's no need to search.